A Child's Emerging "Self"

I can do so many things all by myself!
I can do so many things all by myself!
Can you wiggle your eyebrows, just like this?
I can wiggle my eyebrows, just like this!

Can you show your teeth just like this?
Mirror play helps toddlers work on finding out about their bodies; naming body parts like eyes and nose, figuring out that you can move your own eyebrows, understanding emotions, and working on the concept of being a separate person from their primary caregiver. That's a big job!

Can you blink your eyes?


Their emerging "self" includes a quality of self esteem as well. Being told you are beautiful by someone you love and trust early in life will affect their self esteem in a positive way. And, I believe, be something we want them to know deep down inside before that 16 year old knocks them off their feet with the words "You're so beautiful!" Wouldn't you rather they already know it.

Let mirrors be your reminder to look at yourself and affirm that you are a beautiful person and then look at your amazing children and tell them how beautiful they are!



Hello Beautiful!!!

Yes, that's you!

You are precious.

Peace,
Yvette

Conscious listening.

Every Kindermusik day I help children and adults with conscious listening skills. Today in our Village class (newborn to 18months) we modeled wonder and attentiveness when listening to something specific. Our faces held wonder and our bodies were still as we listened. The babies right away were curious! They "froze" wide-eyed. After hearing the recording of the squirrel, bee, and owl we then mimicked the sounds vocally. If we continue to do this then the children will imitate us both with acute listening skills and with vocal play. It's a big job to help our brains to know exactly what to listen to and what to filter out......listen to this informative (5 minute) talk about listening:

Raising Beautiful Children

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” - C.G. Jung

I have a t-shirt that says "We must be what we want our children to be." or something like that...I'd have to go in the laundry basket to quote it perfectly. Whenever I wear it I do so knowing how hard it is to believe it, act it and evangelize it! I always get a comment, a groan "Oh, that's a tall order." Or "We could never do that!"

Ghandi said "We must be the change we wish to see."

The day I do it perfectly is the day I achieve immortality! HA!!

But we continue to strive, grow, stumble, fall two (or more) steps backwards, and remind each other to keep trying, not to give up. It's worth the effort because it really will pay off in your relationship with your children. It's very worth it.

Teaching Kindermusik keeps this out front for me. I offer parents ways to be with their little ones with tools for careful observations, positive communications, nurturing creativity, deliberate guiding, and loving interactions. And everyday I go home and try to hone my own parenting skills, to do my practicum.

Keep in mind that I'm one step ahead! I'm trying to apply this to teenagers...and beyond! So far I'll say investing the time, energy, grace and creativity with your infants, toddlers and preschoolers is worth every bit of effort.

Did you know Kindermusik is a lot about parenting?

Scultptures! 1,2,3, CLICK!!!!

Here I am with one of my favorite statues! I am adding myself into the statue!
















Here's Dylan's statue of a horse. It is made of pinecones, pine needles for a mane and very carefully cut sticks for legs. Two of the legs are off the floor like the horse is prancing. The horse in our "Cities" poster has one leg off the ground. Here is Dylan posing next to his statue.









This is Will's statue of snakes and a lovely butterfly.














Here's Will posing as a sssssnake!!!
















Now here the guys are posing as cool modern art statues.
































Camilla, We'll get yours on today!

These fun games we play encourage creativity and also the important school readiness skill of "inhibitory control" which is education jargon for being able to follow directions to stop on cue (maturing their ability to control their body!) But all that aside, we're having fun and that's tops!

That word: CONTROL

What do you think of when you hear that word? Does a "controlling" person come to mind? Have you been called "controlling"? Seems like a popular dysfunction!

Ever thought that your child was controlling?

(Did I just hear a collective sarcastic chuckle?)

Years ago at a La Leche League meeting (a place where I very carefully gathered all the wisdom I could) I was guided to a book called "Motherhood Stress" by Deborah Shaw Lewis. The very first paragraph described my stress exactly. Mom, with shopping list in hand is going downstairs, infant in arms and just behind the toddler who is in the "me do it" stage. The phone rings, you were hoping to get to the store and back before lunch and naps, so you shoulder the phone to your ear while trying to catch the toddler who is mad because she wants to wear her pretty shoes and you can only find one.... and get the snowsuit on the infant. Finally toddler is buckled in and you hear a sound from the baby that means you definitely must change diapers and probably the full outfit so back in you go. It's after the second try that as you buckle the baby in the toddler announces that she has to tinkle.....The mom unbuckles everyone and heads back in the house where she sits on the floor and cries, having given up the grocery errand all together.

Now that's stress as I felt it. After that paragraph (which I only attempted to paraphrase as I remember it--it's been I think at least 15 years since I've read that book--the author defines stress: The feeling of not having control over your situation.

Control. Hmmmm.

Does that apply to everyone? Moms and dads? CEO's? The woman at the cash register? Teachers? Business owners? Children who are expected to sit still at the table and eat the food in front of them with no choice in the matter?

Just before the holidays I got to say to parents of the toddlers in my classes a statement that is in my Kindermusik teacher's guide that goes something like this: Studies show that young children who experience the opportunities to control (in a safe environment) at a young age are more likely to accept responsibility for their actions as the are teens. "Lead through that sugar and tea, now, Lead through that candy"...the child takes the adult by the hand and weaves under the arched windows of the circle of children and their adults. The child is in control, it's fun and safe.

Lesson one: You don't have to be bigger to be in control. A good lesson for learning before you're a teen on how to handle peer pressure, don't you think?

Lesson two: We need community and community needs us.

Lesson three: We can lead and it feels good to lead. There is a certain freedom in being in control but at the same time we see that our actions affect others.

Lesson four:Our need for a sense of control over our lives begins at an early age.

Lesson five: When a child, as a leader, sees others following he gains confidence and may develop a sense of freedom for expanding expression of creativity.

Lesson to parents: If a child goes through periods of being more controlling (especially around ages 2-3 1/2, 5 year olds, and again as teens) taking away choices or giving choices that are not real (meaning the child really doesn't feel as if he actually has a choice. ie: "You either pick up your toys or take a time out!") will most likely just turn up the heat on your battle. The child feels out of control of his own life!

If you want to teach good negotiation skills help your children to be in control of their lives, help them find a way to choose to do the right things. "You can either pick up your toys now or finish playing and put your toys away in 15 minutes when the timer rings. Which do you choose?"

I think most parents' arguments to this thinking goes something like this: "This takes too much time! I need these things done right away when I ask!" This is the way our society is today there really isn't enough time to plan telling the children ahead enough to give them choices takes time and creativity on the part of the adults. We really are too busy.

Well then at least we can see one of the costs of this busy life. We make that choice and we do what we need to do to feel in control.

Take a breath!

Peace,
Yvette
p.s. I should mention that a lot of my ideas on negotiation come from Marshall Rosenburg's book: Non Violent Communciation (a great source for improving all relationships)

Perspective

Parenting is not about a power struggle or an affront on authority. Children do not operate on that level. It is about how children learn to control themselves.